In honor of my slight breakdown and acquisition of a nasty cold bug, I would like to dedicate this post to the feeling we all get at some point or another… and often more that we would like:
I swear- it happens RIGHT when I think I have everything together. This is what goes through my head the week prior to the overwhelm:
- Wow- I am really managing this. Go me!
- I found a way to workout 3 times this week… awesome! I bet I’m on the way to really getting this workout plan DOWN.
- I can definitely live off of only 4-5.5 hours of sleep a night. There is no time for more.
- If I just do something productive (laundry, work, sew, cook, clean, or blog) every night of the week but one… I’ll be so on top of it!
- Yoga at 5am after dealing with a baby at 3am- I rock!
- This is so manageable. It’s just a matter of good planning.
And then there is a lull. A lull where I lose a little bit of my grip on things, and a week or so goes by… and things aren’t quite feeling the same. On Friday and Saturday of last week, the movie trailers in my head changed to:
- UGH!! I am going to die with all of this work??? How did it all pile up? Why can’t I catch up at home?
- Thank the heavenly universe for Friday- I CANNOT take this anymore. I can’t wait to relax this weekend…. Oh… wait…. weekend = mommy duty. Sigh.
- (Finally sitting in the bathroom at our work party Friday night) Oh man,… I should not have sat down. I’m going to fall asleep right here on this toilet.
- WHY don’t my kids sleep past 5:30 am?!! I am so tired! Why do they need me all the time?
- What? We have a birthday party to go to? I forgot! Get in the car and let’s go get a gift before we show up.
- Gotta run to make baby shower invitations, and I have 45 free minutes. PLEASE let me have more than an hour window soon where I can just shop for shit alone without feeling like a jerk mom on the weekend?!
- (Crying in a heap on the floor on Saturday to my husband): “I can’t stay on top of anything!! I haven’t meal planned, or slept, or checked mail, or even looked at my hair this weekend!! I look like a clown that’s been on a bender!? What happened to my life??? WAAAAAAHHHHH!
We’ve all been there. If you are anything like me, you continually go in a cycle. It goes:
- Commit to doing many of the responsible and fun things you used to do before kids.
- Start doing these things and feel kind of good and accomplished.
- Things start slipping out of control, or way behind, or over your head… whatever.
- You freak out and break down.
- Either get sick or depressed from stress.
- Start giving things back, giving things up, or letting things go.
I think letting things go is the hardest, especially if you really care about them, or if you are a slight control freak, like myself. I have had to let MANY things go over the past few years, and many more this past 6 months. One of my plans this past weekend was to take little Jumping Bean (nearly 3) to the closest ski mountain and just tool around on the slopes with her for a bit (aka: cheerily convince her that skis and snow is cool while I try to manage her skis going in 4 directions at once). I knew it would be a TON of work alone, and I would need to pump in the car, but was going to try it! After my mental break down… it was let go. I still long for it, but I had to let it go.
I still got sick, dammit. But at least now I’m not super sick sitting on the side of a ski slope sobbing while my toddler has a total mental breakdown in head-to-toe ski gear. I let it go, and possibly kept myself from getting even more sick. In honor of the overwhelm, here’s hoping we can all let a few things go once in a while to keep breathing healthily.