In honor of my slight breakdown and acquisition of a nasty cold bug, I would like to dedicate this post to the feeling we all get at some point or another… and often more that we would like:

The OVERWHELM

I swear- it happens RIGHT when I think I have everything together.  This is what goes through my head the week prior to the overwhelm:

  • Wow- I am really managing this.  Go me!
  • I found a way to workout 3 times this week… awesome!  I bet I’m on the way to really getting this workout plan DOWN.
  • I can definitely live off of only 4-5.5 hours of sleep a night.  There is no time for more.
  • If I just do something productive (laundry, work, sew, cook, clean, or blog) every night of the week but one… I’ll be so on top of it!
  • Yoga at 5am after dealing with a baby at 3am- I rock!
  • This is so manageable.  It’s just a matter of good planning.

And then there is a lull.  A lull where I lose a little bit of my grip on things, and a week or so goes by… and things aren’t quite feeling the same.  On Friday and Saturday of last week, the movie trailers in my head changed to:

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  • UGH!!  I am going to die with all of this work???  How did it all pile up?  Why can’t I catch up at home?
  • Thank the heavenly universe for Friday- I CANNOT take this anymore.  I can’t wait to relax this weekend…. Oh… wait…. weekend = mommy duty.  Sigh.
  • (Finally sitting in the bathroom at our work party Friday night) Oh man,… I should not have sat down.  I’m going to fall asleep right here on this toilet.
  • WHY don’t my kids sleep past 5:30 am?!! I am so tired!  Why do they need me all the time?
  • What? We have a birthday party to go to?  I forgot!  Get in the car and let’s go get a gift before we show up.
  • Gotta run to make baby shower invitations, and I have 45 free minutes.  PLEASE let me have more than an hour window soon where I can just shop for shit alone without feeling like a jerk mom on the weekend?!
  • (Crying in a heap on the floor on Saturday to my husband):  “I can’t stay on top of anything!! I haven’t meal planned, or slept, or checked mail, or even looked at my hair this weekend!! I look like a clown that’s been on a bender!?  What happened to my life???  WAAAAAAHHHHH!

We’ve all been there.  If you are anything like me, you continually go in a cycle.  It goes:

  1. Commit to doing many of the responsible and fun things you used to do before kids.
  2. Start doing these things and feel kind of good and accomplished.
  3. Things start slipping out of control, or way behind, or over your head… whatever.
  4. You freak out and break down.
  5. Either get sick or depressed from stress.
  6. Start giving things back, giving things up, or letting things go.

I think letting things go is the hardest, especially if you really care about them, or if you are a slight control freak, like myself.  I have had to let MANY things go over the past few years, and many more this past 6 months.  One of my plans this past weekend was to take little Jumping Bean (nearly 3) to the closest ski mountain and just tool around  on the slopes with her for a bit (aka: cheerily convince her that skis and snow is cool while I try to manage her skis going in 4 directions at once).  I knew it would be a TON of work alone, and I would need to pump in the car, but was going to try it!  After my mental break down… it was let go.  I still long for it, but I had to let it go.

I still got sick, dammit.  But at least now I’m not super sick sitting on the side of a ski slope sobbing while my toddler has a total mental breakdown in head-to-toe ski gear.  I let it go, and possibly kept myself from getting even more sick.  In honor of the overwhelm, here’s hoping we can all let a few things go once in a while to keep breathing healthily.