I am starting to believe that I am a narcissist, and I’m really struggling.
We are in the process of developing an online coaching program that will provide people a more economical way to receive coaching, with a focus on communicating in difficult situations…It requires Rebecca and I to have multiple conversations that revolve around “access to Jamie’s services” when designing materials.
In order to design something that works, we keep asking questions like, “What do people value more – phone calls with me or video chats with me?” OR “Do people want to talk with me one-on-one or in a group conversation?”
It feels extremely self-centered and narcissistic. But the kicker is that I’ve built a freaking business around being an independent coach and consultant. These conversations are necessary due to us selling a service: Coaching/Facilitation provided by yours truly. Like a massage therapist, hairstylist or lawyer… we are selling a service that revolves around me as the provider.
But why is exploring this concept so uncomfortable for me? Why does it seem easier for me to put a value and appropriate cost on a product I might have made (i.e. a workbook tool), but feels SO incredibly uncomfortable discussing and assigning a monetary value on a service I might provide (i.e. a video webinar)? Somehow, discussing the latter makes me feel queasy and awkward.
Being that I do not have a PhD in psychology and would be terrible at diagnosing my own deep-seeded issues… I’m sure there is a valid psychological reason that is beyond my full understanding at this point. It is, however, reminding me that I’m currently in a really uncomfortable place forcing myself to move through an unpleasant process.
Which is exactly what we are in the middle of: A PROCESS. Miriam Webster defines process as:
“Something going on; a series of actions or operations conducing to an end.”
Um, yeah. Something is going on, and it’s not fun.
But that’s not the point, is it? The point is that this stage of uncomfortableness is necessary and will help us move forward until we can make it to the end. It’s reminding me of so many other uncomfortable processes that I’ve experienced in life that resulted in amazing endings:
- The births of my two kids
- Coming home from 2 years of Peace Corps in Africa
- Leaving a job I truly loved to start my own business
- Etc, etc…
So what’s the solution? Well, I am starting to think there doesn’t need to be one. I am getting better at realizing and accepting that these terribly uncomfortable times are really here for a reason. These times are here to help us grow, change, and to force us through some kind of process that will result in a better understanding or an outcome that we’ve been reaching for.
So, to everyone reading this:
May you remain aware and open to all your future uncomfortable moments, so that they can help you grow and become the person you are meant to be.